he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
