why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize