My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
