the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
