i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
