k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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