something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
