Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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