My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
