Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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