I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
