look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That ass isnāt going to eat itself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words āIce Cream Enemaā were spoken.
Randomize
