i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
