Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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