I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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