It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
