The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
