the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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