I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
