You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
