booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
