I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
