Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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