I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
