So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
