Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize