I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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