I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
