i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize