I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
