girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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