How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
