well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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