The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
