I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
