goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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