they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
