Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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