I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
