"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
