rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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