somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
