I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
