at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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