Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
