He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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