I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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