Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
