I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
