This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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