Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
