I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize