You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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