im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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