went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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