the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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