2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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