Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
