Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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