It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
