I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
