i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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