I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
