I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
