i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
