Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
