You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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