and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
