well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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