you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
